I'm Better Than You Now

I should begin by explaining that my life is at a crossroads. Down one road lies ignorance, medium-rare filet mignon, and death. Down another road lies arterial freedom, green, leafy vegetables, the ability to be insufferably smug, and life. Beginning tomorrow, I will choose life.

After reading an article from the New Yorker about Whole Foods' CEO leaving his already-healthy diet for a food death march known as Engine 2, I decided to take a look for myself. To follow Engine 2 is to eat like a rabbit with a skillet. It's a vegan style of eating, which, for the uninitiated, combines the no-meat ethos of vegetarianism with an additional ban on all products derived from animals.

But Engine 2 isn't just vegan. It attempts to eliminate the oils, sugars, and salts surreptitiously added to even "healthy" foods (like organic beans) by profit-hungry food behemoths.

You eat, as closely as is possible, food as it comes from the earth. A label-scrutinizing trip to Whole Foods will demonstrate that it is impossible to eat a diet free of added canola oil and dashed-in sodium. But, to paraphrase Scott Fitzgerald, we must realize that things are hopeless yet be determined to make them otherwise. Engine 2's mainstays are fresh fruits, vegetables, legumes, whole-wheat grains, and raw nuts. Its occasional mistresses are organic soy and organic, no-salt-added canned soups and beans.

My own personal Engine 2 journey began tonight with a trip to Whole Foods. Jocelyn, who obviously didn't spend much time on her personal appearance today, was driving. We pulled into the store's parking garage, walked up two flights of stairs (no elevators on this diet!), and found ourselves swimming in labyrinthine stacks of gleaming fruits and vegetables.

One hundred ninety-one dollars later, I had amassed the healthiest crop of groceries in my twenty-five years of life. I looked at the woman behind me in line buying organic fat-free milk and an array of gourmet cheeses and felt nothing but sympathy. I'm better than her now, I thought, with a quick wink and knowing smile.

I stacked the Ezekiel 4:9 bread I had just bought in my reusable, sustainable Whole Foods grocery bags and took one last look back at my former dietary life. For the first time ever, I realized that I don't need animal toxins, saturated fat, and tablespoons of bubbling grease to be happy. I can be happy knowing that unlike 99% of the U.S. population still chained in the darkness of Plato's cave, I'm no longer a part of the problem.

Engine 2 has set me free.